It would appear that fortune is smiling on this blogger. I managed to track down and get a few minutes to talk to the ever-elusive brewer from Newstead Brewing. Finding the man behind the much vaunted “Hammerhead”, is about as rare as finding unicorn poo or a decent bottle of Hammerhead.
To achieve this, I had to sneak up to him whilst he swam in his ruby filled fermentation tank, rub the tank three times, and frighten him. It was then, that he promised to grant me 4 questions, and no more.
“Mr. Howes, Hammerhead has captured the heart of this country. The likes of Tony Abbot, Nicole Kidman, and Shapelle Corby have all called it a national treasure. Even the man himself, Paul Hogan, has called it an Australian icon. How do you react to such high praise?”
“It’s Dr Howes.”
“Hammerhead is pegged to take this year’s Hottest 100 poll by a landslide. Is there a particular aspect you feel to be the driving force behind its success?”
“You can’t overestimate the stupidity of beer geeks. In particular readers of beer blogs are especially docile.”
“Hammerhead’s slogan is “Full Flavour, No Compromise”. How do you respond to the speculation that campaign manager Luke Sheild has considered, and even rumoured to have partook in, compromising?”
“Who is Luke Shield? Do you mean 250 Beers’ mate? Hes a douche. The tag line for Hammer Head was always meant to be No Flavour, Full Compromise. We really stuffed that one, unlike all other aspects of the great Hammer Head debacle of 2014.”
“What does the future hold for Hammerhead?”
“Well we just dumped 10 pallets of the stuff so pretty dire I’d say. Watch out for Hammerhead 2.0, Hammerhead Black, Hammerhead Clear and, my personal favourite, Hammer Head lite.”
Seconds after the last question was asked, Mr Howes… errr… Dr Howes, immediately fled to an awaiting, hot pink, limousine, and immediately sped off whilst pumping Katy Perry’s “Hot N Cold“. His lawyers then materialized from what seemed like nowhere and notified me that if I were to publish this, I had to urge all of you to #votehammerhead.